Wade "Deadpool" Wilson
Oct 20, 2012 19:33:36 GMT -5
Post by Wade "Deadpool" Wilson on Oct 20, 2012 19:33:36 GMT -5
Wade Winston "Deadpool" Wilson
[/font][/size][/color]"We all live in a yellow submarine!"
.....................................................................
"Yo; so, for the purposes of this here app-lick-cation, I think I'll just take the ropes on the fun parts. You know, bio, history, gender, sexual orientation, the part where I cut up some biches; slice 'n' dice style, like a really good bad Jackie Chan movie with horrific English dubbing? I'm Wade, by the way, I'll be you captain for this evening. If it's yellow, it's good ooole' me! If it's white...yeah, I let stretch there do THOSE parts. Stretch loves the boring parts. Don'tcha, Stretch?"
Full Name: Wade Winston Wilson / "Stretch did that."
Code Name: Deadpool / "And that."
Age: 33 / "Aww, now Stretch DEFINITELY did that!"
Date of Birth: April 22 / "You love this, don'tcha, Stretch?"
Sexual Orientation: Hetero / "I need more nicknames for you."
Species: Experiment...mutant...thing / "I think I'll call you Slick, too."
Alliance: Neutral / "Or Barbara."
Citizenship: Marvel / "Everyone needs a Barbara."
Canon or Original?: Canon / "This is Wade, by the way, your captain speaking."
"Victory is MINE Baldy!
And if you had any hair I'd take that too!"
And if you had any hair I'd take that too!"
Hair: "Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, when the dinosaurs were still extinct but scientists thought they knew everything about their skeletal remains through process pre-existing carbon dating, which were far less accurate but still kind of impressive, I was bald. BUT. Through some turn of a miracle, and the fact that everyone can agree I should TOTALLY be a hottie played by some Hollywood beaut, I now have hair. Brown hair, it's spikey, and wavey, and totally cost two-hundred bucks. And I have a beard; 'cause Danii says beards are sexy. Fo-shizzle."
Eyes: Brown
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 220lbs / "Of sizzling hotness, baby. I'm like a steak. In a pan. With a lot of oil. SEXY OIL."
Distinguishing Marks: "Weell, at one point I resembled an uncooked burger, but now I just got a ton of scars from badass fights, bomb defusals, battles with wildebeests and poor handling of giant paper sheets all over the joint."
Appearance: Alright, here we go...
Imagine a beefcake. Like, a bonified, human specimen that embodies the exact specifications of beefcakiness. Got that? Good, this next bit should totally disappoint you. Unless I'm your idea of extreme hotness, in which case, ladies, my number is 0874552984; CALL ME.
Anyway, I'm 6'1, or maybe 6'2, either way, I'm around that height. I weigh around 220lbs, and I'm totally sculpted and shizzle. But that's 'cause I'm a mercenary, so have to keep in good shape for fighting, and shooting, and running, jumping, swinging, sometimes flying if the provisions are there...just depends on the job, really. Trim, athletic, totally ripped - I have awesome abs, by the way - and with my suit on, I look pretty normal. Without the mask, I used to be hideous, but now I'm not, so hurray for everything!
Oh! Yeah! I wear this snazzy red and black number? It's waaay cooler than Spiderman's, though. I don't look like a weird red and blue spider freak, more of a red and black badass who's totally covered in guns and stuff. I have a lot of guns, and knives, ammo, assorted explosives - ya know, weapons - strapped to my straps and belts. I call them all my utility belts. Hey, if Batman can do it, so can I! And I wear awesome man-boots. For manly men. Suck it, Hawkeye."
Face Claim: Ryan Reynolds / "I know, he's no Bea Arthur...but he'll do."
"I’m not interested in making new friends,
I don’t even like the ones I have”
I don’t even like the ones I have”
Likes:
"Guns
Explosives
Death
More explosives
Did I mention guns?
What about explosives?
I did? Well damn.
Katanas.
Other swords.
Other katanas.
Getting paid.
Monkies.
Chimichangas.
Bea Arthur.
Duodenum."
Dislikes:
"Losing Chimi's. Especially when they're just purchased.
T-Ray.
Cancer.
Bea Arthur haters. You guys can suck a rock. Like a starfish.
Not having explosives.
Or guns.
I really don't like not having explosives or guns.
KILLING MY MONKIES.
Orphanages.
Not getting paid. DAMN YOU NORMAN OSBOURNE."
Personality:
"Whatchu tryin'a get crazy wit' essay? Don'tchu know I'm loco?
A wise group of stoners once said those words. I've heard them a lot on contracts. See, I'm told that I'm crazy, and loud, and I don't know how to stop talking? But frankly, the voices just don't disagree. What?...Yeah, I just told them that. No, I KNOW I'm not part of Cypress Hill. Who's telling the story here, you or me? Well then shut up! I can't hear myself think, brain! Yeah, you can shut up with him, other brain!
Some people, right? Anyway, psychotherapists and stuff'll say how I have all this hidden emotion, and all this resentment, mother issues, maybe a slight addiction to adult visual materials, a desperate need to kill and a strange affiliation for dead TV celebrities, but I think I'm just a normal guy. Sort of. I don't actually think that, but I do like to pretend it! I also know I'm a master of disguise - I once switched places with the Queen while I escaped MI5 - and I know I'm totally a badass fighter/merc/kicker of mighty asses. I also have an odd attraction for Death. And I hate myself. SELF LOATHING, FOR THE WIIIN!"
"With great power comes great responsibility"
Powers:
"My healing factor! See, I was in Weapon X, so I got this healing factor thing going on. Basically, in a nutshell...I can't die. I can regrow limbs, and body parts, and stick removed parts back on, but dying and me just don't seem to mix. Not that I don't WANT them to mix, I do...buut, we don't, soo...
Also means I'm kiiinda immune to telepaths. Not TOTALLY immune, but my cells regrow super fast to replace the dying cancer cells, so it kinda screws things up for those people. Immune to poison and gasses, too! Can't get drunk, either. Hey, I never said it was ALL good, did I?
Thaat's...pretty much my only power. Outside of that, I'm a peak human in fitness, strength, cardio, speed, blah blah blah, but that all comes with work. I'm also an expert hand-to-hand fighter, and a wild-card weapon's expert, short and long ranged. Fluent in several languages, I know who Spiderbob is, even though I shouldn't, once won an eating competition in Milwaukee. "
Weapons
"Two katanas, a godless amount of guns, knives, explosives - I dunno, a lot of stuff just kinda comes from the bottomless satchel. I can't really remember everything that's in there anymore."
Strengths/Abilities:
"Olympic level strength, fitness, stamina and agility.
Weapons expert.
Hand-to-hand fighting expert.
Unkillable.
Totally awesome."
Weaknesses:
"I'm reaally good at annoying people.
I talk too much. Apparently.
I can't die, but I want to, and that makes me a sad panda."
"All it takes is one bad day to reduce
the sanest man alive to lunacy,"
the sanest man alive to lunacy,"
History:
"I just cracked my knuckles for this part? Did you hear it? Well, you should have. Here, I'll do it again for you. Hear it that time? No? Well you suck.
Not much is really knooown about my history. Mom got cancer - she died. Dad was a barhopper, and a drunk, and abusive and he hit me a lot. He died in a bar fight. Maay have had something to do with that. Can't remember anymore. Or something like that. Went to an orphanage, got bullied a lot - the kids didn't like me much, thought I was kind of a freak, ya know? I tried to fit in, but they just liked to torture me. One of them even killed my pet monkey, Jack. Can you believe that? Just killed my monkey! He didn't harm anyone, ever! But, alas, I got outta there - Blind Al came and got me. Weird how things work out.
Okay, I cracked 'em again. Did you hear them that time? No?! Open your ears, dude!
Al brought me up, sort of. Like, she was a mom figure, but she never really seemed to like me. Or was ever proud - I tried pretty hard, but it never appeased her. Ah well, s'how it goes, ain't it? She trained me up to be a top class merc, taught me all I had to know. How to shoot, fight, kick, kill, stab, maim, explodify, speak various languages, work a sniper rifle in icy cold condition when the tailwind's coming in hard and you can't see because there's also a snow storm so you're really just taking a pot-shot from 40 yards with a rifle hugely overpowered for the job...I ended up in Japan at some point. S'posed to kill this Yakuza boss, right? But I ended up liking his daughter, and he taught me to wrestle, so I kinda didn't kill him. Al was sooo maaad...
Next hit I got, I was meant to blow Al's brains out! But I sorta misread the contract. Al lived. Everyone else in the room at the time, however...Total PR nightmare. I think that's why SHIELD think I'm too wild to hire as an agent or something. Nick Fury is a total duodenum.
Anywhore, I contracted cancer. I know, ironic, right? Was gonna die, too! But then Weapon X came along, said "Wade, we can save your life! But ya gotta become a test tube baby! What'dya say?!" and I was all "dude, I'm dying anyway, lets do this." We did this, just as they said, and gave me some healing factor made specifically for my DNA - note! The Skrulls tried to use it for super soldiers, and it made them all explode. They went SPLORK! Awesome stuff, youtube it, I posted tooons of footage.
Why didn't I get paid for that, Fury? Stupid, one-eyed gob-hobbler...
I kinda killed some team-mate - but, in my defense, he was totally ugly as sin and smelled like rotten fish, he HAD to go! I ended up in a hospital, right? They did experiments, killed toons of us; it was all this twisted game for them - the staff used to have the deadpool betting, you all know where that part's going, and kept putting me down to die next. Something about weak body, loudness and shizz. I bugged the good doctor's right hand man, so he tore out my heart. I was piiissed, and it kick started my healing factor. Heart grew back, I kicked his ass, shot the place down, and escaped. Like a boss.
After that, I was a bit of a villain, but I got bored, so I was doing my own thing again for a while, turned hero and stuff. I dunno, it seemed like good business at the time. I've been stalked by my psycho therapist - she shot herself - fought a man-shark, lost my healing factor which made me unscarred, got it back through Taskmaster, author of much type-based internet erotica, fought with a ton of guys, upset the laws of physics, stole the Queen's robes, had a fight in England, got banned from hell by Thanos and got married to a SHIELD agent in Vegas. But that part's hush hush. I think. I'll ask Danii.
Look, I just cracked them again - last time. Did you hear them?...Okay, you're trolling now."
"Next time guys, we should just
rebuild this place outta Lego."
rebuild this place outta Lego."
Writing Sample:
No length requirement, just give us the best that you've got.
"I'm through talking, get out of my cave,"
Your name/alias: Blue!
Timezone: UK [GMT+00]
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