Welcome
It all started when a crystal dropped into existence, punched a hole in time and space and landed into the lap of one the most insane men to ever walk the Earth.
At first, the clown didn't know what he had been gifted with, stuck in his cell in Arkham, staring at the reddish purple crystal laying innocently on the dirty stone floor.
And then the voices started, telling him of another universe, talking of power and chaos beyond what he could have ever dreamed.
census
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Villains
SHIELD
Avengers
Justice League
X-Men
Brotherhood
Mutants
Anti-Heroes
Civilians
Neutral
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000 ♂
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000 ♀
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LET THEM KNOW WE
WONT BACK DOWN
a marvel/dc roleplay
Mocked By The Truth (Clint)
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Post by Natasha "Black Widow" Romanov on Nov 17, 2012 20:06:11 GMT -5
She closed her phone with a snap as she finished leaving the voice mail on her partner's phone, storing it back in the place on her belt before her arms resumed their previous position across her chest. Her mind was overwhelmed with the thoughts and feelings she had experienced as of late, continuously haunted by the images of what had happened and nearly occurred during the invasion. The rest of the city had begun to pick up their socks and move on as if it was something in their distant past, but the femme fatale was unable to follow suit. Every night she was still back at headquarters, running for her life from an enraged Hulk before she found herself face to face with the cold, dead stare of someone who only wanted to take her out. And while she had managed to get the upper hand and snap him out of the trance in real life, the dreams did not end so well. Instead of being able to fight him off, Natasha found herself falling prey to his superior skills, feeling his hands wrap themselves around her throat as he pressed against her windpipe, reducing the oxygen she got before she felt the breath leave her body entirely.
The red head paced the conference room aboard the Helicarrier slowly, her eyes downcast toward the floor without seeing it at all. Now was the time to try and find out the truth after hearing mountains of rumours flying around headquarters for the past several weeks. And while she normally would be the first person to head out and find the truth in the words herself, something inside of her was preventing such an excursion. What else was she not being told? She was more than painfully aware that a great many people did not trust her because of her past and the things she had done, but Natasha was working hard to try and make all of that different. She wanted to do good, bring down the evil and let the world live on for another day...did that really make her the bad guy?
But that wasn't all, she thought to herself as she continued her slow movements back and forth across the floor. There was something else she needed to know, something that had really been bothering her since she had tricked Loki into telling her his plans while he was their captive. He had accused her of something that she had never dared to dream of again in her life. But of all the people...no, she was sure that she was mistaken. Things were not like that in their line of work, and especially not between them, right? And yet the nagging voice in the back of her brain would not go away, so there was really only one thing that the agent could do. And as much as she didn't want to, she knew that there was no alternative that could give her the definite answer she craved.
She would just have to ask him and hope that she was wrong...
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Post by Clint "Hawkeye" Barton on Nov 17, 2012 23:55:48 GMT -5
"--'Cause Every Girl's Crazy 'Bout A Sharp Dressed Man-"
Clint was a good chunk of the way through his daily shower when he finally realized that his phone was ringing. When he realized that Billy Gibbons was siging in the next room, that was a pretty good tip off that Clint had a call. His tone had been Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top for the last few weeks. The sudden urge to make it his ringtone had been overwhelming, and it still made him tingle when he heard it playing. "Oh, Sheesh. Who is it now? Can't be the Big Man, because I'm not late to anything. Cap might have found some trouble and is summoning me. Maybe its even Danii, needing me to get some more Coffee like last week..." He muttered to himself and immediately set to thinking about who it was as he massaged his scalp to get rid of the shampoo in his hair. A quick rinse, and he was out of the shower, pulling a gray towel from the rack right beside. There was a beep from the other room, and Clint heard his own voice recite his answering machine message: "This is Clint Barton, and you have reached my cellphone. I’m sorry I didn’t answer your call, I must be quite busy at the moment..." "I'm coming, I'm coming..." He strode quickly out of the small cubicle bathroom just in time to hear the familiar voice of Natasha Romanov say, "Barton, it's Romanov. We need to talk. Meet me in the conference room back at headquarters as soon as you get this." He stopped abruptly in the middle of pulling a pair of boxers out of his closet. All at once, a million thoughts ran through his head. Natasha? What was so important that she would call him outside business matters? Maybe it was something about business, perhaps. Or Budapest. More probably than not. In all his years working with her, Hawkeye had never known the Black Widow to be one for emotion. In certain, very rare instances, she would show a glint of her true personality. Looking inside himself, Clint realized that he remembered fondly and treasured those moments more than anything else. Despite the rising worry and voice of Fury adamantly insisting No Emotion At Work! clashing with each other in his head, he was able to think straight enough to decide that he wouldn't let her down. He would go. Clint knew how much Natasha hated to wait (not to mention the fact he was very eager), so he threw on a fresh uniform as fast as he could and strapped his pistols around his waist. As he left his bunk, he grabbed his cell phone and slid it in his front right pocket. As e passed the rack by the door he immediately brushed off taking his bow and arrows. He didn't need them anyway.
When he arrived at the conference room, he creaked the door open and stepped inside. She was already there, and pacing more slowly than what he had ever observed from her. His heart had tugged at him before, but it was now that her odd mood started to worry him a lot. Natasha and everything she was and did would always be more special to him than anyone else. He liked most of all her serious, duty-only modes, and not just because he liked getting work done. He hated to see her like this, mind troubled, deep in ponderous, wild thought. "You called me here?" Clint nodded happily and approached. A smile spread across his face, but worry was etched deep in his eyes.
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Post by Natasha "Black Widow" Romanov on Nov 18, 2012 10:41:07 GMT -5
Her brain was such a mess right then that she doubted even a genius could figure everything out and put it into it's proper place. As an agent, Natasha had always firmly believed (and it was firmly enforced) that she had to remain impartial to everything else that was going on around her, check her emotions with security when she entered the building and focus on nothing but the job until it was over. That same process had served her well over the years as she did her job, moving from place to place, using herself and whatever means she had at her disposal to take down her target and gathered the required information. Not it felt like that entire process had been thrown out the window simply because the agent couldn't focus on a damn thing.
Barton's arrival startled her, his voice causing the red-head to jump a little bit as she whirled around to look at him wide eyed. For a moment, Natasha was reminded of their last encounter in the Helicarrier when Loki had been the one in control. She remembered the blackness of his eyes and the aggression with which he had hit her, pressing his bow against the flesh of her neck in an attempt to strangle her before she had managed to disentangle herself from him and get the upper hand. But as soon as she realized that she was probably showing that tiny trace of fear that she felt in her eyes, Natasha quickly lowered them to gain her composure. "Yes," she told him smoothly. "I did."
She supposed there was really no easy way to approach the turmoil that her mind was in, and sparing people's feelings when she spoke was not a talent that Natasha had learned to possess over the years either. A direct approach was really all she knew, and that was the only thing she had to serve her right now. With her arms tightly pressed against her chest and her feet refusing to move any closer to him than she was now, Natasha inhaled slowly. "I....I need to know where we stand," she said, protocol and professionalism shining through. "And I need to know how....how...." Damn it, why were the words beginning to fail her now? It seemed that everything else around her was now hell bent on making sure that she didn't have a good meeting with Clint, and that foretold of only trouble ahead. If anything, this could be more detrimental to their partnership than anything else she had said to him before.
Damn her and her weak emotions!
She tried again, inhaling slowly as she lifted her eyes to look up at Clint and prayed silently that she didn't have that same look of fear of any other pathetic look in her eyes. She didn't know what she would do if he started to look at her differently. Well...any differently than perhaps that one sort that she actually wanted. "How.....how do...." Stomping her foot angrily on the floor, Natasha turned herself around and looked out the glass window at the back of the Helicarrier. This was not at all turning out the way she had hoped, and now she had made rather a large fool of herself in front of him to boot. "I can't even get the point across," she muttered to herself, resisting the urge to bury her fingers in her hair in frustration. "What the hell is wrong with me?"
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Post by Clint "Hawkeye" Barton on Nov 18, 2012 16:23:04 GMT -5
When she jumped and spun to face him, a scared, tension-filled air surrounding her, Clint's worry morphed into fear. This wasn't his usual Natasha. It certainly looked like her but she was acting oddly and sighing oddly. Clint held up his hands to show that he was harmless. Yes, he had his trusty semi-automatic handguns in his pockets but that was just for protection. He wasn't going to use them on any friends of his. Upon seeing it was really just him, she visibly relaxed and composed herself. "Yes, I did." Her typical smooth, suave confidence returned to her voice, shakily but surely. Clint's smile tipped up a little more. There she was. He knew that she had been hiding somewhere behind that thoughtful stupor.
But what happened then was something that dropped the smile completely from Clint's face. Planting her feet firmly on the floor, she began to grow nervous and spoke again. What she said had no direction or purpose, though her questions were genuine. The sharpshooter attributed it to a total lack of confidence and point. However he could give her some credit because her words were determined. "I....I need to know where we stand, and I need to know how....how...." At first it looked hopeful, and then... it fizzled out. The light dropped from her eyes. Clint couldn't explain it any other way except that she broke down. She stormed around the room, cursing herself and the world, trying again, and again, to express what she felt and then failing. Finally she admitted that she gave up. She just couldn't find a way to express herself. While this was all happening Clint wandered over to the table and sat down on it. He needed a moment to think her first question over. Was she wondering... Where they stood... Romantically? He found himself at a loss for words. He had never thought of this. For a minute, he willed his eyes to leave her and drop to the floor. Did he love her? They had spent so much time together, and been through so much... He had chosen not to kill her. She had saved him from Loki's influence. They had done so much for each other and against each other. Clint had started to take their involvement in work with each other for granted, but that was before Loki had changed both of their lives. Yes, of course he loved her, he knew instantly. But now came the question, How much did he love her? He bit his tongue and forced his brain to process the idea. Like a sister, definitely, but not romantically- at least, not too much so. Really, he wasn't one for romantic love. Romantic Love was one of those movies where the sappy guy whispered sweet nothings in a girl's ear and took them out on dates to fancy restaurants. Or, the action movie scenario, they would save a innocent damsel from distress and fall in love with them. The guy would be labelled a bad boy. Then, in total defiance of their friends' and parents' wishes they would kiss on the girl's parents' doorstep. What movie was like that? Oh yeah, I Am Number Four. That was romantic love. It had always been so stupid to him. That wasn't how real men should go around doing that kind of thing. Words, cards, sweet nothings had never been the right way to do it. Money shouldn't be spent in huge amounts. Clint, no, he had decided from an early age that when he had finally found the right one, he would go a long way to show her how he felt. Treating her with a gentle hand, protecting her, smiling kindly and lovingly. Doing special favors willingly at her request. Sparse, sweet kisses. Getting her flowers. Had he done any of that for Natasha? Yes. The first three things. But those weren't nesscessarily things that showed romantic love. Just respectful love. Clint closed his eyes for a second as his head pounded. No, he was overthinking this. His head said, that Natasha was a big sister to him. But his heartstrings told him something else.
He didn't think in the least that she was making a fool of herself. Clint completely understood. "What's wrong with me?" "Calm down. Have a seat. Clear your mind. You're just overthinking things." Like I was just a second ago. He added in his head. Getting up and pulling a chair out, he invited her to sit down. "What in the world brought you to this state? I've never seen you like this before... Asking where we stand and everything..." His voice was soft.
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Post by Natasha "Black Widow" Romanov on Nov 18, 2012 20:09:59 GMT -5
This was not at all going the way she had hoped it would in her head, a simple encounter where she learned the truth of their partnership and how things were to progress from here on out. Of course, Fury had always been rather firm on the idea that romance had no place in their field of work, and up until now Natasha would have agreed whole heartedly. But things had changed a little bit in the last while, changed just enough that the young woman was now questioning a great many things she had previously known before. It felt like there were a million tiny people running around in her brain, trying desperately to put the files in order and shuffle the paperwork correctly so that the rest of life could continue to make a little bit of sense to her...and failing miserably to do so. Her heart was pounding quickly in her chest, her hands trembling at the very thought of what he might say or do in response to the way that she was acting...
It was almost like she didn't hear Clint at all, now that she had gone through the process of leaving a message on his phone asking that he meet her there. Her bright blue orbs had widened to an almost panicked state of mind again as she turned herself a little and glanced in his direction, shaking her head quickly. "Everything has changed," she told him, hugging herself a little tighter with her arms as she took a step backward to put more distance between them both. "Everyone has been looking at me differently since the Invasion...since Banner changed on the Helicarrier." She wanted to continue with the thought, but her lips forced themselves closed despite the protesting that came from her brain when it did. Since Banner had changed and there had been people around to see the terror in her eyes...since her partner had been put under the influence of an immortal god and ordered to attack her because Natasha had been foolish enough to ask about him when she was in the midst of her interrogation. "I just about lost my partner..."
Maybe that was what frightened her the most, the idea that she could have found herself pretty well alone in the world all over again. Clint was the only person aside from Fury who didn't look at her with a trace of fear, the only person who dared to converse with her like she was just another human being. Even Stark enjoyed the fact that he had once hit on her and continued to do so despite his relationship with Pepper Potts. Sure, she'd developed some strange relationships with the various members of the Avengers since they had helped to save the world together, but it was her relationship with Clint that she had feared losing the most. To hell with the rest of the world, she thought. Agent Barton was the only person she needed to make sure was alright in the end. But that had brought about several more questions than she was prepared to deal with, including the very extent of her relationship with the man.
Damn Loki and his prodding questions, she thought to herself as she looked slowly over at Clint. Life hadn't been this complicated before he had decided to interfere with their way of life. And yet, thanks to the nightmares that continued to plague her dreams every night, Natasha couldn't shake the image of anger and satisfaction that had crossed Clint's features when he held his hands to her throat, the wicked grin that looked to be a cross between him and Loki as he watched the life slowly leave her body. Did Clint really want to hurt her? Part of her had to wonder just how much control he had really had when he was under the little spell that Loki had placed on him, for surely Loki didn't implant every single thought and movement into his head? And had the devious god been right about the way she felt for her partner? That continued to haunt her as well...
"I still see it," she whispered. "All of it...like it's happening to me all over again. Loki taunting me...running from Banner...us..."
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Post by Clint "Hawkeye" Barton on Nov 23, 2012 20:34:00 GMT -5
What Natasha said impacted Clint a lot. How blind had he been, how deaf? He had never thought that she was that at war with herself. It all made sense now that she had put it all out there in the open. All the strange behavior as of late, the call today. Yet, he knew that he was also embroiled in a struggle against himself, against his conscience, against the haunting memories that filled his sleep and the nightmares that taunted him even in his waking hours. He also thought that he was the only one who was having delusions of self-doubt and worthlessness. Oh, how wrong had he been. How very, very wrong.
"Natasha..." Clint stood and took a few steps toward her, closing the gap she had made. "You have no idea how similar of thoughts I've had in the span of time after that all happened..." All of a sudden, he was closer to his partner than he had meant to be, and he found himself looking down at her. It all happened too fast for his brain to process, so it had to be a move that his heart had made. In all the confusion, he found it odd that it was so ironic, how she was one of the ones he could actually look down on. The close quarters was a bit awkward, but he couldn't pull away. Something in his being kept his feet rooted to the ground. "I have spent nights, lying awake, doing the one thing you told me not to do to myself: trying to remember how many agents I killed when Loki had me in his iron grip. Wondering if anyone would ever trust me again, let alone look at me. I feel so guilty, over it all. The curator, at the museum where we got the iridium. How I savored the fact that Loki had to practically kill the guy to get his eyeprint. Hurting all those agents on the bridge to give myself a gap to sneak the arrow in to shut down engine one. "But the thing that hurt the most out of everything that I remember, was fighting you. That, I can recall especially clearly. I saw you and my hope bubbled up. Yet, at the same time I couldn't face you. I knew that if you did and I hurt you, maybe even killed you, I would lose the whole purpose of my existence on this Earth. But I couldn't do either. My arms rebelled against my will and held you immobile, and I nearly killed you. I fought and fought with myself, trying to put the soul back in that Loki had pulled out and discarded to the wolves. I struggled against that prison that chained my free will, but the bars were tougher than the adamantium that make up my bow and arrows." He put a gentle hand on her shoulder, and gazing into those wonderful blue eyes of hers he felt himself at a loss for words for a moment. "Whatever you may think, Natasha, however strong your doubts may be, that wasn't me that you fought back there. That was a dark side of me, one that I will never allow control of my being again. One that loves to hurt, loves to kill, loves the sight of the blood on the end on an arrow..." Unable to bear it any longer, Clint turned away, and this time was the one that put the distance between them. "I can't imagine losing you, either. If I had won that battle with you, I... I probably would have killed myself before Loki could lay another finger on me." Then he finished quietly, "Sorry If I'm being too sentimental..."
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Post by Natasha "Black Widow" Romanov on Nov 25, 2012 23:06:55 GMT -5
This meeting was not going the way Natasha had planned. Hell, had she even thought it through before she had let her fingers walk all over her phone and call him? Not likely. That had been another part of her brain that had taken over and done that, putting the thought into action before she had a change to even consider the damage that she was doing by letting Clint know what was going on in her head. This entire situation was throwing the agent off her game, and she didn't like the constant confusion she felt, the nightmares and screams she endured in her head each night when she tried to lay it to rest on her pillow. It wasn't fair that she was trying so hard to do good and found herseld far more tortured now than she ever had when she was simply allowing the red colour to build up. She hadn't cared then.
But she cared now...
She felt like the world had come to a stop when Clint crossed the distance and put himself before her, so close that Natasha feared to breathe in case she should touch him. But her eyes were held captive by his own as he gazed down at her, looking at her with a face that made her heart squeeze tightly in her chest. Was that regret? Fear? None of those were emotions she would have thought him to feel, especially not concerning her. Sure, the two of them had been partners long enough that there was bound to be something between them, but for most people that feeling didn't go beyond a sense of protectiveness. And yet, he'd said that he didn't care for her that way, not in the way that she thought she was possibly feeling for him...She could feel her hands quivering as he spoke, describing the violent thoughts and nightmares that he too witnessed every night, describing the darkness that had consumed him when he had been taken over by Loki. But his words made no sense to her either, confusing her own internal issues even more. If he didn't care for her on such a level, why did he see hope when he'd seen her? Why did he say that she was his reason for existence? Were those thoughts not commonly associated with...with love?
He turned away almost as quickly as he had approached, leaving Natasha to stand there with a wave of coldness washing over her body. It almost felt as if the warmth had been sucked right out of the room...and the coldness settled itself right back into Natasha as if it had never left. The neutral face returned, her body stance stiffening greatly to the poses that had become so familiar to her over the past many years. The only way not to get hurt was not to feel anything, she reminded herself. "Barton, just tell me how you feel about me," she said, crossing her arms tightly over her chest as if she were trying to protect her heart from his next words. "I've been disappointed enough times in my life...I think I can handle almost anything." Oh god, how she had come to hate this side of herself lately. Why did the sensible agent have to get in the way and ruin everything? Why couldn't she just stay away for a few minutes and let Natasha be human again?
Because on the inside, the human Natasha wanted to cry. She wanted to cry all of her fears away and tell her partner just how much it had frightened her to think that he might actually kill her. She wanted him to know that Loki had struck a chord when he had begun to taunt her, and that she just needed him to know even if he didn't feel the same way. And yet, Agent Romanov would never allow that to happen. What good would it do her anyway? She'd only get hurt again...
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Post by Clint "Hawkeye" Barton on Dec 8, 2012 22:14:36 GMT -5
"Barton, just tell me how you feel about me."
It was so out of the blue, that it made him stop short. For a second he stood, petrified, not sure what to say. A million responses, a million phrases, ran through his head, many of them absurd and non-businesslike. Some were alright, but they went against his code of conduct. Others were just plain horrible. He was at a loss, though, for a suitable one- something he could voice, act out, anything, that would adequately express the things that he had come to realize over the past few months.
Then a peculiar sound began to rise above his confused thoughts. It started softly, gently, and only crescendoed a little before settling at a gentle, soft tone. Like his awkward purr (which more than once he had been called Cateye for) that happened when he was content, but not exactly the same. After a few depserate seconds of scrambling for the source, Eventually Clint realized with relief that it was his own chuckle. It wasn't the jovial kind of laugh, though, that everyone that knew him heard consistently. It was something that sounded sad and piteous. Then, almost by second nature, the words came. "That's just the thing, I don't know how I feel about you." He turned to face her once again. A small, lopsided smile grew though his tear ducts wanted to burst. He ran a hand through his hair, brushing from his temple up to the top of his head. Now his subconscious had taken over his mouth. If he was to say something bad, he couldn't stop it. "There's one side of me that always insists that you're the sister. An older sister, someone I can look up to and respect. Then there's a part that says, that no, you're a friend, a partner, a coworker. We shouldn't do more than see each other in passing and say hello and work together when assigned to. But then, there's a small part that says that I'm just fooling myself. Be true to your heart, it says, when you look at her, what do you feel? I can't help but believe that I'm developing some pretty complicated feelings. One of which is a pretty deep love. But I still can't definitively say." He was admitting this? Man, What he was saying was pretty hardcore. Clint wasn't sure how she would take it. The sharpshooter wandered back over to the table and sat down on it again, facing her. He felt so dumb, obviously now that Natasha had gotten a hold on herself again. She would look at him like he was crazy, and probably walk out. He clenched up with fear at the thought. Clint had never believed in a higher power, but he prayed now that if there was one thing he could get, it would be to save this moment, make everything better, and admittedly also make their relationship stronger... Romantically. Now if only he could get a handle on himself as well... He could find a way to make that happen. He needed to take the advantage, but he couldn't.
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Post by Natasha "Black Widow" Romanov on Dec 12, 2012 15:09:48 GMT -5
Even to those who thought that they knew her well, Natasha was careful to make sure that none of them came close to understanding her and the way she operated, in case something should happen later on that would mean they would either need to take her out or they break the barriers she had placed around her heart to protect herself from feeling emotions toward them. But despite her best efforts, there was someone who had managed to break down those walls and leave them as dust around her feet, stepping through as if he had done nothing at all. Part of her wanted to damn Clint for that, for making her into more of a human being than she had been in a very long time. Had he just let her be, or even taken her out when SHIELD had originally sent him to take her down, then she would be spared of feeling the way that she did among so much confusion and discontent. And yet...the look on his face betrayed that she was not the only person who was feeling that way. Had she really been that blind?
Though she had thought that she had steeled her nerves against any words that came from his mouth following her moment of emotional unrest, nothing could have really prepared her for what followed. His words cut through her unlike anything else that had ever been said to her before, sending a shiver over her spine. "So what do we do?" she murmured to herself. That brief glimpse she got of his smile was enough to make her feel like melting just that little bit, but Natasha knew that she needed to be far stronger than that. She wasn't your typical girl who swooned when a handsome guy paid some attention to her. If she was, she'd have already proven to be absolutely useless to SHIELD and therefore a security risk. But this was Clint she was talking about...wasn't this a little different?
With a soft sigh of her own, Natasha finally allowed herself to sit in a chair, the one he had previously motioned for her to sit in before. Her elbows came to rest on her knees, hands tightly clasped together as she pressed her forehead against her hands and closed her eyes. "I can't keep this to myself anymore," she murmured gently. "Before all of this we were partners, but when Coulson told me that you had been compromised..." There was a pause in her words. The red head bit down on her lower lip, trying to control her emotions in the way she had been trained to do so all that time ago. But those lessons felt so much harder to grasp now as she sat there, confronted by a swarm of feelings and emotions that she wanted nothing to do with. They had done nothing but compromise her.
"I didn't know that I was going to be able to save you," finally came the phrase. "I was so sure that Loki's hold on you would mean that one of us would have to die when we met again. And when I told you that I was compromised..." She looked up slowly, her bright blue orbs watering slightly despite her best efforts to steel herself against them. And though no tears fell, she was sure that Clint would take immediate notice of their presence. "I meant this. I can't just think of you as a partner anymore."
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Post by Clint "Hawkeye" Barton on Feb 4, 2013 20:37:50 GMT -5
((Dude, this is so long overdue...)) "I don't know what we do..." Clint rested his elbows on his knees and pondered the possibilites. Really, what it all came down to was what they together wanted to happen, and wether they would stick to duty and abandon this or go on with what they really wanted. Reason over heart. Definitely this would not be easy. It was way different than anything that he had ever done in his life... He couldn't help but smile as she finally settled down in the chair and allowed a sigh to escape. Her hesitant clamor that followed reminded Clint of why he loved her the way he did. She was more than a girl, more than an ordinary woman that loved to flirt and get guys' attention. When she was really interested in you, it was an accomplishment.
"Before all of this we were partners, but when Coulson told me that you had been compromised..." Coulson had told her? Now, that was an interesting thought in itself. Had he had a notion of what was happening between them before he died? In any normal situation Clint would have expected him to just put Fury on the phone and let him talk her into doing it. Yet, they had been partners, and everyone knew that they were closer than many in SHIELD.
"I didn't know that I was going to be able to save you." "By the time you finally beat the side that Loki had brought out into submission, I had given up all hope of ever being able to save myself." Clint said softly and sadly. It was true. He had lost hope of ever being himself again. Now he looked back at it and figured that it was that seed of evil finally worming its way into his stoic side, but back then the thought that he would always see through the red film and do things against his will was very real and very scary.
"I was so sure that Loki's hold on you would mean that one of us would have to die when we met again." "I prayed with all my heart that it would be me. I have to admit, I can't stand seeing you lose." It was one of his trademark attempts to put something lighthearted in the middle of a serious moment, but still Clint could feel his eyes turning red. It was all true. Natasha was waaaay better than he was in combat, but there was always that nagging doubt that just once he could best her, and it would be at the complete wrong time.
"And when I told you that I was compromised... I meant this. I can't just think of you as a partner anymore." There it was. Solid proof. Clint had sensed that it hadn't been that way ever since Loki had taken him. Perhaps it had been an inclination even before, but that one event had given him time to brood over the things he loved the most and endear them more to him as he faced the possibility that he would never see them again. Clint smiled. "I can't either. It's like my mental aperture changed color. To me you've become a lot more than that."
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Post by Natasha "Black Widow" Romanov on Feb 5, 2013 21:41:55 GMT -5
It was the absolute worst feeling in the entire world, not being able to figure out exactly what it was that she wanted in life. She had spent so much of her time working for SHIELD since the end of the second World War that she had never stopped to consider any sort of feeling aside from her knowledge of duty and loyalty. She had come to owe Clint Barton her life after he refused to kill her, therefore disobeying direct orders from Fury. Most agents wouldn't bother to think twice about their target, herself included, but something had prompted Clint to look at her and reconsider the reason that he had been sent to remove her as a threat...and she had never fully understood why.
She made the mistake of glancing up at him just in time to catch his eye, causing that all too strange sensation of stirring in her stomach to appear once again. Clint was the only person to have ever had that effect on her, a feeling that Natasha couldn't quite bring herself to love or hate wholly. And yet, when he looked up at her with that warm smile and the twinkle in his eye, it was almost as if the world could melt away for a few moments and she could take a breath without worrying where the next attack would come from. "I used to think that you always let me win to feel better about myself," she murmured softly with a small smile of her own, remembering the days when she had first been brought into SHIELD and her training had began. Of course, Natasha had already undergone quite the workout by the time the Americans had gotten ahold of her, but there was always something new to learn. And of course, being SHIELD, they had decided that if Clint wasn't going to kill her, then she would become his problem to deal with once he brought her into the organization. So the pair began sparring together, training, building up the endurance and stamina they required to be effective agents. And for the first little while, it had been quite a task for Natasha, meeting someone who could actually take some kind of a stand against her without immediately falling.
"It was all Loki," came the slight confession from her lips. "I went to coax information out of him...tried bargaining for him to return you unharmed. None of this would be happening if it weren't for him." He was the enemy, she had to remind herself of that, but it was so hard. While her body understood that the two of them would forever be bound to hunt and kill if the chance arose, she knew that her feelings would not have come to anything if he hadn't taken such a violent approach to the subject of love and Clint. That was what had propelled the entire thing, from her desire to save the man who she owed her life to, to sparing the partner she had come to feel for. And it was so complicated in her mind that Natasha sometimes found herself staring off into space while her brain continued the endless combat of what was the truth and what was the right thing to think. She had never actually come to a conclusion in that battle until a few moments ago, when her guard had slipped completely and the woman behind the agent had showed herself for the very first time.
She bit her lip gently, lowering her eyes a little. Should she ask? No, it was probably pointless to go that far back, to something that probably hadn't existed at the time. Maybe in the future, when they managed to figure things out. Perhaps that would be the right time to ask him. Instead, she had to stay in the present. "So what do we do?" If he could go ahead in life and pretend that this encounter never happened, she thought he deserved some kind of massive award, because as much as she wanted to do just that, Nat knew that there was no possible way she could. Not unless the memories were somehow wiped cleaned from her brain.
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Post by Clint "Hawkeye" Barton on May 8, 2013 23:10:57 GMT -5
((My conscience will not rest until I get this done -_-')) A feeling of happiness, one that the sharpshooter hadn't felt in months, started to well up inside of him. Natasha- was actually speaking about what she felt, instead of what she was ordered to do. He, too, couldn't help but feel that he was doing the same, though over and over he had been told, don't let your true opinions come to the surface, that's when enemies are made.
"I used to think that you always let me win to feel better about myself." "Whaaat?" Clint had to repress a full bellied laugh. "That's so ironic, I always thought that even though you always won, you were going easy on me for my sake." It had always felt to the sharpshooter that Black Widow's combat techniques were so smooth, so effortless, that they were supposed to give him an easy fight. Even now Clint was working to banish that notion altogether. Fury had confirmed the nay, Coulson had confirmed the nay, and his own conscience had confirmed it too. He really didn't know why he himself went just a bit easy. He had always adored his lady friends more than his guy comrades; perhaps that played a role in it. There was also the promise he saw in her, much more than the scared, lost, helpless (well okay, not entirely helpless, but it had seemed like it) human being that he had first pitied and saved that warm night in the back alley. It was also a different promise than the powerful and swaggering blondie on that rainy night in New Mexico, at the Mjolnir compound. This was a promise that attributed itself to the fact that in trying to make herself better and redeem the wrong she had done, Natasha had also managed to make him better. Since she had become his partner he had seen a marked increase in his hand-to-hand combat skills and in several ways his already-rumored-to-be-flawless eyes developed new points of skill. A bit of a farther range, better reaction times, among others. But the catch was, that it only made him better when he lost! That was the great thing about being partners, was that even when you lost, it made you better. So yes he had always perhaps been a little soft on Natasha. However she never gained the upper hand strictly because he allowed her to. After all, she had more experience than he did- let's make that almost seventy five years more experience!- and always had a trick up her sleeve that Clint could never predict.
"It was all Loki, I went to coax information out of him...tried bargaining for him to return you unharmed. None of this would be happening if it weren't for him." Nodding, Clint mulled over this whole thing. Like everyone probably did, he too sometimes wished that Asgard never existed, and that the Norse Gods would not have ever found Earth. Then, though, they would have lost Thor, and that was never in any way good. He was an important part of the Avengers, and a powerful force against the evils of the world. "Isn't everything Loki's fault?" Clint shrugged and sighed. He hadn't been there when Nat had talked to Loki, but he could imagine somewhat how it went. Her saying something to make him mad, then mentioning Clint. Loki would naturally pop off with something about how childish love was, and say something about how Natasha was at fault in this whole mess. Then Loki would threaten her with a plan to end the thing he had called childish- Clint and Natasha's love.
"I don't have the least clue what is the right thing to do." Clint repeated his earlier statement and elaborated on it at the same time. There was a host of possibilities in which they could take this delimma of theirs. He definitely didn't want to ignore it, but not doing so presented a problem, with the work and SHIELD. Clint guessed that the semi-secret government organization would not be pleased with two agents and also two of their top-selling Avengers action figure models being together romantically. They had their hands full enough right now with Danii and Wade and them having a baby and everything. Dealing with another romance would be something that they might treat like they did Natasha when Clint had first brought her in- with a bit of disgust, and resulting in a push-off of everything on him. He still had sort of a vendetta against his employers for that, but he didn't hold it against them too much. "We should probably keep it to ourselves for now, and see how things work out." It wasn't a closed suggestion, she was free to change it if she wanted.
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Post by Natasha "Black Widow" Romanov on May 12, 2013 15:04:03 GMT -5
Clint had always been a good listener, which was something that Natasha had come to admire in her partner from the very beginning. He didn't sit there with a judgemental look on his face, nor did he interrupt when you were trying to relay whatever it was that was on your mind. He just listened, trying his best to see if there was something to be done about the situation so that he could offer up his own thoughts or even a potential solution to the problem. But Clint had always been like that, she reminded herself as she looked up at him, noting that calm look that had taken over his features after she had taken the seat opposite him. After all, this was the very man who had once been sent to kill her and instead made a different call, leading them into the situation that they now seemed to be facing. The only upside to the whole thing was that she didn't seem to be facing it alone. No, with Clint, she had never been alone.
She couldn't help but feel a small smile tug at the corner of her lips as he expressed his own thoughts on the idea of their sparring sessions. "I don't go easy on people," she told him quietly, lifting her eyes to look at him. "You of all people know that." And she didn't. Natasha was one who firmly believed in being able to hold your own when it came to hand to hand combat, and since people like Clint almost always had the advantage of size on their end of the fighting, she never felt the need to be gentle. Natasha's experiences with men hadn't exactly done much to help that thought process either, and poor Clint still fell into that category there as well, though he was never someone she had feared (minus that little moment when Loki had him under his thumb, but that wasn't something she planned on bringing up at all.) "Everything is Loki's fault," she growled, hands tightening a little in her lap.
Nat nodded lightly as he brought up the ordeal now surrounding Lady Liberty and Deadpool, having only just found out the news herself. The very idea of the two of them becoming parents was a little frightening to Natasha, who had never really dealt well with children. And with both herself and Clint being as vital as she knew they were to SHIELD, she didn't think the reaction to the two of them being together would be all that good. There were too many variables, too many things that could go wrong. But the instant he said that last sentence, Natasha straightened a little and looked at Clint with a stunned expression upon her features. Had those words just escaped his lips? Or better still, did they mean what she thought they did? "Clint..." For the first time in a very long time, the Black Widow was lost for words. She knew what it would mean for them to go ahead into something behind the backs of everyone they worked with, especially the Director. Mind you, she still wasn't entirely sure that it had been an offer, a way of going ahead with what they felt. Or was it just her own heart that was fluttering madly? "Do you mean that?"
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Post by Clint "Hawkeye" Barton on May 13, 2013 0:18:14 GMT -5
"Well, yeah, I know how you are pretty bellicose in fights, and only give your best. But— it's us. We've always just sorta kinda... treated each other like the feds treat us. With so much respect that they're about ready to fall on their faces and worship us." He might be exaggerating a little bit, but even before a romance was completely developed between them, there was always a feeling of awe and perhaps a bit of adoration. Natasha might admire the man who had the common sense to save her from the pit she was in, but Clint admired her for the stuff she was trying to erase. Oddly enough, he looked at her file and her age and the list of fully capable men that she had killed and couldn't help but think about how deadly and consistent she was. It was in a way like many of the coming-up governmental people who were lucky enough to know what SHIELD was and get to meet Clint. There had been many a young man who had looked up or down on the sharpshooter with so much adoration in his eyes that Clint could swear, if they were to be even a lowly office boy for the semi-secret government organization, they would take the job and fall flat on their noses every time an Agent or Avenger came near. Unfortunately the higher up coworkers didn't treat each other quite as well. Agent partnerships often ended in a heated arguments or even pure abandonment, mostly because after a while they got sick of being around each other constantly. But Clint and Natasha's partnership had always been special. Almost no disagreement, no bickering, and in many cases Clint couldn't seem to get enough of the slender female. More than once the sharpshooter had been asked indirectly or directly wether he and Black Widow had something going on between them in private. Always he smiled graciously and said no, he and Natasha were just really compatible. "Not everything—" Clint started a reply to her hate towards the God of Mischief, and that as far as they knew the world switching and the popup of all these new Villains hadn't had an ounce to do with him, but thought better all of a sudden and cut it off as quick as he could. Better not to go back into that subject. It caused both of them more pain than they cared to, or, in Clint's case, could admit.
Clint had tried to get Lady Liberty to listen to his doubts about her seeing Deadpool, but she had just laughed at him and said that he was silly, and that she could control herself. Well, this was what she got as repayment. Pregnancy. When he had gotten the news for the first time he ended up having to sit down- it was just too much all at once. Then once the initial shock cleared there came the questions. Was Danii planning to retire from SHIELD once they had the baby? What was Wade going to do about the fact that his face needed to always be covered because of his... Deformity? So many ran through his head when he thought of the future of that child and of his friends that it made his head swim. Knowing the couple more than semi-well, they probably didn't have anything planned for the future. What infuriated the sharpshooter, was that they didn't understand the seriousness of their actions. This was going to affect not just Danii and Wade, but SHIELD and probably the whole government and country, profoundly, not to mention the little life that was growing inside Danielle. Clint wanted the baby to be born healthy and strong, and there was no doubt in his mind that Danii was going to be a good mother, but the baby would have to lead a very unconventional and probably shifty life. Knowing what that was like, Clint didn't want his friend's precious bundle to go through it. One never really quite got a handle on what was happening and why. One was more likely to develop personality and psychological problems than one who had a constant home and knew what the future would bring. Oh, heaven help them!—
Hanging his head in sudden shame for what he had just said, Clint's voice came down to a whisper. "... no. I don't mean it." Burying his head in his hands, he sighed and felt the inside corners of his eyes start to feel wet. "But what do we do? We can't just throw it out in the open; I don't want to lose my job and I don't think you do, either. We can't pretend it doesn't exist and drop our feelings. I can't do that. Unless we try to concoct this huge giant scheme to allow it to go on behind everyone's backs, I have no clue about anything. My mind's drawing blanks. Do you, perhaps, have something semi better than that? All this for some reason reminded him of Tony and Pepper, who had not quite yet made their romance public, preferring to wait a while in favor of lettinf the air clear after all the changes in the recent past. But they were a millionaire and his secretary, and Tony made it clear that he could do whatever the damn hell he wanted. But Clinton Barton and Natasha Romanova weren't millionaires (though Clint was sure that he was pretty close) and had jobs that almost enforced that they stay out of romantic situations.
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Post by Natasha "Black Widow" Romanov on May 18, 2013 22:59:27 GMT -5
By this point, Natasha was beginning to grow frustrated with the entire situation. Of course, her years of training and tactical experience forced her to understand both sides of the issue, knowing how much she wanted to pursue this thing that she was feeling while also wishing that she could just turn it off and continue on working as a SHIELD agent without compromise. They had become good at their jobs because they hadn't allowed themselves to become connected in such a way to another living being, having nobody to be used against them as Pepper had been used against Tony in the past. If anything, their partnership had only ever allowed for themselves to be used against one another, which had never been an issue up until this point because both she and Clint understood that they had a job to do, regardless of how much danger one life was in. Did they want casualties? Of course not. But if it came down to it, she knew that he would have sacrificed her life in order to accomplish a goal that could have saved hundreds or thousands instead of making the selfish choice of saving only one.
Now that choice was far more difficult to make than it had ever been before.
And Clint was wrong, she thought to herself as she sat back in her chair and sighed, running her fingers through her auburn locks in her frustration. Perhaps he didn't blame Loki for everything, but at this point, Natasha did. This situation might have been avoided entirely if Loki had not chosen to use Clint as a pawn against SHIELD, forcing the two of them into a life or death experience where her life was once again in his hands. The difference this time was that Clint had been more than willing to kill her when he was under Loki's thumb, not fully knowing that he was attempting to murder his partner in cold blood. She didn't truthfully know if he was still concerned with the number of other agents who had been hurt or killed in the attack, having initially told him not to put himself through that torture when first he had woken from his unconscious state. Thank goodness she had hit him as hard as she had, otherwise she didn't think she ever would have gotten him back. And not having Clint around, well...Natasha didn't think she would handle that well.
It was almost startling for the Black Widow, seeing her partner react to her question in such a manner. His head fell forward into his hand and his voice dropped to a soft whisper, a sort of emotion laced in his words with which she was not overly familiar. Was it remorse? Agony? She couldn't be sure. But she knew that he was just as torn over this as she was, which didn't put them into a good place. Biting her lower lip gently, Natasha hesitantly reached out and touched one of his hands gently with the tips of her fingers, unsure of how much contact either of them would allow before they pulled violently away from one another in an effort to keep their hearts at bay. "We used to say that love was for children who didn't know any better," she murmured softly, looking at him sadly. "That the world was a cold place because it could rip the slightest happiness away from you in an instant. But I can't let this go...I don't want to."
The logical side of her was prepared to argue that she and Clint were probably two of the best agents in the organization, which alone would be grounds for them to retain their jobs no matter what transgressions showed on their record. But then there was that small voice in the back of her mind that argued for the same fact, insisting that even if they did choose to pursue their affections at all, they need not fear unemployment. Her hand quickly moved to wrap itself around one of his, sliding around the warmth of his palm as she grasped it firmly in her smaller one. "I'm sorry," she whispered, feeling her own face begin to fall. "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. I never meant to cause you this." If she could take it back, erase the memories and pretend it never happened...then for his sake, she would swallow that secret all over again.
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FORUM SKIN BY KATYA OF GANGNAM-STYLE
do not steal
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